"She pulled out a gun, I saw the sparks, messed up the suit he'd bought from Marks."
It's a bit early in the year for countless 'my perfect cheese paste recipes' designed purely to wind up The Loafer so whilst house bound due to Cartrouble Part 2 and taking a decorating break lunch I was minded to share 'my perfect scrambled eggs method'. 3 eggs, milk or preferably cream, salt (pepper after as it makes them grey if added first) and a small frying pan with melted butter. Pour in whisked mixture and slow heat, whisk again gently, turn off pan and slide onto heavily buttered granary toast, two rounds, sliced in triangles. Maldon sea salt and pepper. If you can't simply wipe pan clean with a paper towel you've fecked it up. Absolutely no dried egg should be left in the pan. No sauce required and definitely no baked beans. Smoked bacon or sausages with brown sauce or smoked salmon are ok but really it's a dish in its own right.